So here I am, after a looooonnng day, finally on the way home and -
oh god, a person. Fuck they just jumped out in front of me, materialized out of fucking nowhere what the actual fuck do they not realize this is the part of my evening commute when I usually idly fantasize about that cutie at work who I swear is flirting with me sometimes and
OH GOD THEY’RE SMILING AT ME THIS IS NOT NORMAL
THEY’RE STILL FUCKING SMILING
OH FUCK
THIS IS SERIOUSLY ALARMING
THEY’RE SMILING, AND LOOKING RIGHT AT ME.
OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH GOOOOODD
this is a terrorist attack isn’t it?
I’m going to fucking die fuck.
Goodness, wish I’d told that cutie I fancied them today at lunch, at least.
fuck.
this is the end then.
Well, I guess I shall face it with grace and dignity.
they’re.. asking me in broken french for directions?
to the metro?
the metro which is literally right behind you, okay I get it, urban design decisions made in the 1920s weren’t always stellar but really you’re asking me to believe you can’t find the metro that’s literally right behind you?
yeah, this is totally a terrorist attack.
Well.
WE DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS. WE WILL NOT BE COWED. WE MAY STARVE AND WE MAY HAVE OUR BODIES RIDDLED WITH BULLETS BUT WE WILL DIE WITH OUR HEADS HELD HIGH AND OUR SOULS FOREVER FREE
FLUCTAT NEC MERGITUR MOTHERFUCKER
the metro is right behind you.
See? I’ve played into your little game, you sick fuck.
I’ve given you what you wanted, you tyrannical beast.
Are you happy now? Does this childish game satisfy you? You mock me today brute, but so long as men die, liberty will never perish!
uh…
why are you making a big show of thanking me and going into the metro?
you really think I’m that stupid?
you… are actually going in the metro.
Goodness.
Okay… that may have actually just been a very enthusiastic lost tourist.
Whoops.
Kinda wish I’d made more of an effort to be nice.
Now where was I? Oh, right, that cutie at lunch today….